Fuckkkk. I just got advised today and I finally declared a major which is Agriculture and Science. They don’t offer anything specifically in Animal Science which is what I would prefer to learn. I would have to go to San Antonio, San Marcos, or Kingsville to do that. The thing is that the careers I want to go for are pretty much you train as you go, they don’t require any specific degree or college career. I guess the best thing for me to do is to call up some animal adoption agencies and vet clinics to find out more information as to how to work for them and such.
As of right now I’m not too sure if I should go back to school next semester because I don’t want to be wasting my time taking bullshit classes that in the end I wont need. Sooo… I’m lost. I’m confused. What to do with my life?! Decisions! Ugh and this is coming from the most undecided human being alive. Maybe I should just work this semester instead of working and going to school? I need to think about it and I need to do it soon. I’m gonna give myself 3 days maximum to make up my mind because classes are filling up.
It seems like I’ve been getting these types of question a lot lately.
It feels like I have drifted off into my own little world for the past month or so. I’ve kind of been doing my own thing. I’ve been lost in my own mind. I have never thought so much in life until this past month. I’m pretty sure it’s the weather change that has made everyone, including me, feel “weird.” Weather change affects people psychologically and emotionally believe it or not. I’m pretty sure that’s the case in this situation.
I’ve been hanging out with a new circle of people, new ambience, new intellectual/philosophical level. (Of course I still stay true to my original gang.) I had already been bored with the way things were going for a while. I honestly need to start hanging out with different people all the time. I had a week were I hung out with someone different like every day. That felt so fucking great. I like observing and getting to know people, it’s what I do. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the friends that I was so used to hanging out with but, it seems like everyone is doing their own thing just like me. I understand that there is time during a friendship when things might seem to get dull, a little confused. I guess all I can do is wait and see if things will go back to normal? I need to let my friends do whatever it is that they need to do.
On a totally different (well kind of) note, on Saturday night I realized A LOT of things. It was kind of scary. I’m not sure if it was because I chose to remain sober or because I chose to ignore it before but after that one Saturday things have changed completely for me. I realized that people put on masks around different people; people use alcohol and drugs as an excuse to act reckless. I noticed a lot of flaws in a lot of people that day. Self control seems to be meaningless these days. I just don’t like how people choose to act stupid/inappropriately/sleazy just because they have alcohol in their system. It’s stupid. Why do you think I don’t get drunk? Why do you think that I let everyone else get fucked up? I’ve witnessed people acting ridiculously when they “party” and I don’t want to be like everyone else. Stupid, like everyone else. I do drink, I do smoke, and I do have self control. Self control is something that people like to act like they don’t have.
Anyways, I can’t wait for it to get legit cold. This type of cold weather has been making me want to go out of town or something. I’ve been smoking a lot more Weed lately, I’ve noticed that. I smoke like…. 2-4 times a day now when before it was only once or twice the most. I’ve been very, very ,very, anxious lately. The moment I wake up in the mornings I get this nervous feeling, even though I don’t have anything to be nervous about. I feel really jittery and my energy level is like at Crack Head high. My thoughts race through my head really fast and sometimes I feel like I’m gonna have an anxiety attack. I’m not sure why this has been happening but it sucks. I either need to be smoking cigarettes or smoking weed. The weed is what really helps me calm down but the moment it wears off I go back to being very anxious and nervous. It’s gay. I suck at life.